Roya Sabeti

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Why You Should Always Ask For What You Want ~ Guiding Principle Number # 5

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Guiding Principle Number # 5 ~ If you don’t ask the answer is 100% “no”, if you ask there is some possibility (even if it’s a tiny one) that the answer just might be “yes”.

Sometimes we tell ourselves “no” before we’ve even asked…

“No that would never work.”

“They would never agree to that.”

“I’m not sure if they’ll say yes to that.”

“That seems like a big ask…I’m not sure if I should/could ask for that.”

We create our own barriers and restrictions before even asking for the very thing that we want.

We assume the answer is no or we tell ourselves no because we are too afraid to ask for what we want…

When I was little kid I remember a time I was nervous to ask an adult for something I wanted. I remember my mom telling me you should just ask because the worst they can say is “no”. If you don’t ask for the thing you want, you’ve already told yourself “no”.

If you’re feeling nervous about asking and being rejected I recommend practicing a concept called “Rejection Therapy” created by Jia Jiang (featured in TED).

The entire idea behind rejection therapy is that instead of trying to get to “yes” your entire goal is the exact opposite, to actually get rejected.

It take the focus and stress off getting a “yes” and gets you comfortable with the idea of being rejected and practicing your ask.

I decided to give it a shot.

I asked a sales associate to test out a hula hoop for me because I needed someone to test the velocity of the hoop before purchasing. She hula hooped for a full 2 minutes in the middle of the store in front of everyone.

I asked for a stranger for 25 cents to buy a gumball. They rejected me but only because they didn’t have the 25 cents. Not even five minutes later they tracked me down and handed me a quarter.

These are small examples but the concept is the same — to retrain your brain to not view rejection as a negative.

I realized that unless your ask is entirely unreasonable people typically try to accommodate you.

I challenge you to write down one thing you’re going to ask for this week that you might not have otherwise.

If you’re worried about being rejected or are nervous to ask remember….

If you don’t ask, you’ve already rejected yourself and if you ask, there is some chance (even if it’s a tiny one) that the answer just might be “yes”.
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